FORGIVENESS FROM THE HEART
When the topic of forgiveness is discussed, often one of the first objections is; Why should I forgive? We don’t realize that we are not forgiving for the other person, but for ourselves. Studies prove we gain multiple benefits when we forgive, a reduction in depression and anger, an increase in hopefulness and emotional self-confidence, and improved spiritual connection. Failure to forgive can be a risk factor in heart disease, high blood pressure, and other stress-related illnesses. By forgiving, we take back our life our feelings and become our own liberators. It is the only way to experience healing and peace.
When contemplating the topic of forgiveness, we need to consider what it is not. It is not tolerating evil or turning a blind eye to sin or making excuses for the other person’s behavior. It does not involve forgetting that the hurt happened or pretending the pain didn’t occur. Forgiveness requires honesty.
Forgiving from our head or our will is not true forgiveness. True forgiveness is only from our hearts. Because we were hurt in our heart, only forgiving from our heart is powerful enough to end our torment. Once we open our hearts, we can extend compassion to the person who wounded us. This compassion enables us to focus on them as a person, instead of what they did to us. Our compassion is on the person, not the sin they committed. We can then give up our desire to get even or punish and let go of our anger and release it to God. Since God forgave us a far greater debt, shouldn’t we forgive those who have sinned against us to a far lesser degree? (According to Colossians 3:13 “Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”)
In our marriage, it has been our experience that unforgiveness has meant slow death to our relationship, and forgiveness has brought new life. The more current the forgiveness we offered each other, the closer we were able to draw to each other and to God. As we ministered to other couples, we have seen the same is true. Allowing the Lord to work in your heart to bring you to a place of full forgiveness from your heart will set you free.
We also often hear, “But I cannot forgive because I don’t trust him/her.” However, forgiveness and trust are not the same because forgiveness is freely given, but trust must be earned. Our trust is best placed in God, as His word tells us to do. God instructs us to trust Him and love our spouse. In trusting Him, we trust He is at work in the life of our spouse.
The true test of forgiveness from the heart can include asking these four questions found in Luke 6:27-28 “But to you who are willing to listen I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.”
1. Can I love him/her?
2. Can I bless him/her?
3. Can I do good to him/her?
4. Can I pray for him/her?
by Chris & Juanita Gissentaner
